What does...

What does Kenya mean for me?

It means a summer where I followed God to places I knew was of His heart even though I didn't necessarily "have" a heart for Kenya.

A place where maybe I did not learn what I thought, and learned how much I don't understand His heart.

A place where He met me mightily in ways I never had before, where He taught me outside of my expectations, where He challenged to points I had never been.

Where I came to the even deeper understanding that God is so much bigger than me and my perception and what I can grasp. And so is His kingdom, the way people worship, the way God convicts and people follow Him.



He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man's eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, "Do you see anything?"

He looked up and said, "I see people; they look like trees walking around."

Once more Jesus put his hands on the man's eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly.

I watched Joy Luck Club tonight. The last time I saw it was a long, long time ago. haha. But it made me think about the different bi-cultural dynamics, a lot of which I am experiencing now.

I do not know how my parents put up with me sometimes, particularly my mom. Especially coming back from Korea, and me kinda going bizerk at times with all the culture shock. Except a mother's love for her children, which is why she can see past all my junk and sin, or rather love me in it all.

It's pretty amazing.

I have a thought about taking in knowledge. It seems like if it is not processed and taken in and transformed into some type of deeper understand or action, it seems null. Going to a different country, seeing all the people there but yet being ignorant to who they are and a different perspective on the world. It just seems... to not amount to much.

Knowledge must translate to some type of understanding, or it just seems like empty words to me. But with the plethora of knowledge in the world-- it seems too much too at times, and understanding sometimes seems to come years later and in bits.

Beginnings.

They are important to me. When I feel like I have not started well, it affects the rest of my journey. It makes it harder for me.
But thinking about the beginning of creation, God said that it was good. And man, very good. Then sin comes and breaks that relationship between man and God. But the story doesn’t end there. God’s plan for a redeemer, a savior, Jesus, radically changes the story. But maybe not so radically, since it was God’s intention all along, and God continues to show His compassion and mercy until that point. Yet, He is not unwilling to show His discipline either. But there is one thing that strikes me, He doesn’t abandon His people.

Even though I feel like it’s been rough at times, hard when God disciplines and refines and rebukes. He doesn’t leave me, even in the moments when I feel like I cannot hear His voice.
Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you. Since He has done that for me, I feel like I can do the same for God. Is that a selfishly human love? But in some since, I know Love since He first Loved me, loves me, and I am coming to know more of what that means.

Thank you for Your grace. And since all things begin in You, it is good. You are good.

God, give me the strength to move forward, to not live in the past.
Because time is moving, and so are You.

So, in the shower today, I was bothered, or confronting a dissonance. In my house, an Asian house, there is shampoo. We buy the cheap shampoo, like the 99 cent value sized shampoo that does not leave your hair smelling like the scent it says unless you wash your hair 4 times with it. (okay, maybe 3) Anyway, I open up the shampoo and it is watery and almost full, not in its original bottle. So, basically, the shampoo has been watered down.

Living missionally (living frugally for another entry) is something you can do in the every day. For some reason, when I come home with the people I am close to, I feel like—I should not have to deal with this. I lose my temper more, I do not seek be as patient, and I find myself red-lining like crazy. (Red-lining, not on the God line, not responding with grace and not building trust) More and more, I see that we live missionally every day, we seek to red line or green line (God line). That a lot of things are not wrong or right but just different, which can be a terribly hard concept for me to embrace at times.

Maybe it is the inside and the outside of the cup for me, maybe a stretch of the metaphor.
But I love outside and others, but inside in the closest relationships of my life, I am the selfish one. With them, my sinful nature appears. My honest self, not who God has intended me to be, but simply I am.

The foolish to shame the wise. The Pharisees and teachers of the law that do not get it, or maybe because their pride, they will not give in. But what is more desired? What is of worth? To obey is better than sacrifice. I desire mercy, not sacrifice. Even though I cannot understand this in its fullness, someway, somehow it is making more sense.

Why I don't like movies...

After watching a Korean Drama tonight,
I realize why I do not like movies that much.
Because I get so engulfed in the movie and emotions.
It is really emotionally and mentally draining for me.

And I know I am so easily influenced by media.
I have seen significant differences in my life from what I watch and listen to.

But if you can watch this stuff and set your self apart,
more power to you.

It's always easy to ride off people in a stereotype.
It's already predetermined and packaged, ready to use.

But to look at people as people, like a friend.
To look deeper than the surface and appearance.
When you get to know them, and their desires, and the deeper sides of them, their humor, the things they love and that they don't-- they become more real.
And you cannot ride them off.

For all the stereotypes I have and the way I have passed people off as one, I apologize.
Because when they become real, we can't do that anymore.
I think stereotypes are just an easy way out to deal with people sometimes.
They're just like "this" and I am not gonna deal with them.

But when it comes down to it, maybe they are not so different from us or our friends and families. Sure, they have their inconsistencies and flaws, but don't we all.

Well, I know I had that moment today, then only to look inside myself.

And what did I find? Someone not too different. And a reminder to look inside a person's heart-- the way that God does.